A Musings

I feel a bit sorry that Mindy Kaling’s book came out the same year as Tina Fey’s. Because the comparisons are going to be there, and one is definitely the stronger, funnier book (Bossypants). But then, Tina Fey has a longer, more varied career (plus a marriage and children) and much more material from which to draw. With that being said, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? was definitely a delightful, quick read.

I like how Kaling affirms that people think she’s just like Kelly Kapoor on The Office. I like the stories of a writer’s life and how she really worked to get where she is today. I like how she’s just more proof that kids who were on the fringe in high school can go on to make it big. I related to so many of her ideas: having best friends, wanting marriage and a family, not understanding one-night stands, the difference between boys and men. And while I’m not in the limelight like she is, her struggles with being a size 8 or 10 (and fluctuating) and being accepting of that, especially in Hollywood, were taken to heart.

Some of her other essays were just quick peeks into her creative and silly mind. While some were head-scratching and a bit of a miss, others were completely hilarious. Like I said with Bossypants (again with the comparisons), it’s refreshing to read a self-deprecating book about someone famous and realize they could be your friend in real life.

So, my request: Amy Poehler, you’re next. I want to read about you! Because both Tina and Mindy have the most wonderful things to say about Amy that I know I’d love to read essays by her too.

Warning: There may be spoilers.

After I got all caught up with Mad Men, I turned to Friday Night Lights. So many of my friends (in real life and Twitter life) have watched this show and claimed full-out love. I’ve even seen the phrase “best show on TV ever” thrown around quite a few times. I’m now in to season three. Is FNL the best show I’ve ever watched? No. But do I love it? Yes. Here are a few thoughts so far:

The Bits of Ridiculousness

Teenage Drama: My main concern with getting into this show was the teenage drama. I hate teenage drama. If that’s all FNL was going to be, no thanks. (It’s not, see below.) However, there’s still plenty of it and some of it drives me insane. The “I love him, I hate him” stuff with Lyla & Riggins and Lyla & Street and Tyra & Riggins and Tyra & Landry – it gets old. Julie Taylor’s whiny-ness also gets old. All the testosterone in that locker room when those football boys get together – enough already. The drinking, the sex, the more-mature behavior than seems natural… I didn’t grow up in that world, so maybe I just have a hard time understanding it, but it all seems over the top. (If high school is really that way, then I’m home schooling my kid.)

The Mexico storyline: Completely ridiculous, because juniors in high school just take taxis down to Mexico for a week without their parents worrying about them. It meant nothing to the story arc overall and definitely didn't need to last over four episdoes.

Tyra & Landry’s secret: If your dad’s a cop, you call him. You don’t dump a body. And then a couple episodes later, it’s all OK? Please.

Buddy Garrity: Why does Coach put up with him? I understand his place and his importance (he’s the money), but he’s so annoying!

What I love

The Taylors: Hands down, the marriage of Eric and Tami Taylor is my most favorite parts of the show. They’re so cute I could squeeze them to death. I love the sarcasm, I love the respect, I love Coach’s grumpiness, I love how Tami is (almost) always right. In a life where I can only imagine the stress – that town, that job – it would be hard to maintain such a great relationship, yet they do. Plus, I love the way they love those kids. They take them in, they teach them lessons, they offer tough love. They’re great. Love them.

The football: I’ve been a football fan for a long time, so I enjoy the football scenes. I also like the behind-the-scenes peek at the coaching meetings, the locker room and the coach-player relationships. And while it frustrates me to no end the pressure that’s placed on these teenagers – and then what they go on to become in college with the bling and the cars – it’s still so intriguing to get a peek into that life. These kids are put up on pedestals by an entire town and it gets even worse when they’re in college. No wonder they have a hard time when anyone tries to say no to them.

The different types of families: You have single moms (Smash’s mom is kick ass), rich families, down-and-out families, blue-collar families, Matt and his grandma, white, black and Hispanic families. It’s a nice mix they put together and while it may not be representative of every community out there, it would be hard not to find a family you could relate to in some way while watching.

The characters: Besides the Taylors, I like Riggins (it took me 30 episodes but I finally discovered why he’s a favorite character), Matt (he can be a bit of a sad sack, but he’s sweet), Landry (he’s an actor who says his lines just like they do on Parenthood; I really see the overlap between the two shows when I watch Jesse Plemons speak, plus he's funny) and Tyra (minus her wishy-washy love life, I like her spunk, her toughness and her hair).

FNL falls right up there with my other favorite dramas like The West Wing, Parenthood, Gilmore Girls, Mad Men, Six Feet Under and The Wire. So, another “bit of ridiculousness” is the fact that this show didn’t gain a following big enough to stay on NBC. Why is it that reality TV, procedurals and Two and a Half Men always beat out the truly great shows? That’s another post entirely.

My mother-in-law is always very generous on my birthday (all year round, actually), sweeping through my Amazon wish list. Here's what she bought me this year:

Blue Nights, by Joan Didion: While I know it won't be uplifting, I absolutely loved The Year of Magical Thinking. I'm intrigued to hear about the rest of the story. She's suffered so much loss and to just put it out there like that, well, that's inspiring.

The Zygote Chronicals, by Suzanne Finnamore: I know several people who have read and LOVED, so I'm anxious to read this short piece, and maybe try out one of her other books.

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing & Life, by Anne Lamott: Ever since college, I've known this is a must-read book for writers. So, why haven't I read it yet? I have no excuses. My friend Katie recently read this (as well as the previous) and enjoyed it. I take all her recommendations very seriously.

The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth, by Alexandra Robbins: I read and loved Pledged and The Overachievers. Robbins has a great voice and writing style, throwing in experts and studies with real life conversations and situations. I love that this book gives a voice to high school students who find themselves on the "cafeteria fringe."

Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five, by John Medina: This book sounds good, but we'll see, almost two years into parenting, how much I nod my head at and how much I shake my head at. Because at 20 months, our kid seems super smart and happy already; it'll be interesting, nonetheless!

Safekeeping: Some True Stories from Life, by Abigail Thomas: I read A Three Dog Life by Thomas about her struggle after her husband gets in a horrible accident. It was quite moving, so I was intrigued by this book as well.

Is Everbody Hanging Out Without Me?, by Mindy Kaling: When I was going through a rough time in the spring, my husband bought me Bossypants. It was perfect - light and funny. Well, I had another rough experience a couple weeks ago and my best friends bought me this book. I can't wait to get started!

Archives: Birthday Books 2009, 2008, 2007

When I first read about Amy Chua and her book in the Wall Street Journal, I jumped on the “this woman is ca-ra-zy” bandwagon. But then, the more and more I read about her, the more I wondered if she was just misunderstood? (Or was she just acting ca-ra-zy to sell more books?) Now that I’ve read the book, well, I’m still conflicted in my feelings.

When she says that accepting the best from your children is the only way a parent should behave, well, that makes sense. When she says that people don’t get good at things without practicing, that makes sense, too. She made me think that yes, maybe we Western parents do coddle our children a bit. Maybe we do make them feel entitled. Maybe they do become more disrespectful or rude. Or, by not making them practice, by not expecting the best grades through rigorous homework schedules, by instead letting them make their own choices, we’re in fact being lazy parents. Hmmm.

However, there are other times when I can’t believe the words she’s writing down. Sometimes they’re so out of this world, I laughed assuming she was joking (“Playing the drums will lead to drugs.”), but I’m not so sure she is. For example, this is what she says about her dogs, yes, her DOGS:

“My dogs can’t do anything—and what a relief. I don’t make any demands of them, and I don’t try to shape them or their future. For the most part, I trust them to make the right choices for themselves. I always look forward to seeing them and I love watching them sleep. What a great relationship.”

That’s how many Western parents feel about their children - trusting them to make choices and looking forward to seeing them.

And the fact that she spent the weekends driving her child two hours to and from New York City for a one-hour violin lesson? Um, no. What the heck was she doing for herself? But then, she doesn’t believe parents should do much for themselves, I don’t think. She’s not “getting pedicures or massages,” and seemed to judge those of us who do. But, she also seemed run a little ragged; I think she could use a good massage every now and then.

When it came to practicing piano, my own mom was a bit of a Tiger Mother. While I wouldn’t have to sit there and practice for five hours a day (and I could still go on sleepovers), there are many, many times during the first 5-6 years where I would sit at the bench for hours refusing to practice and she would yell and yell at me. She would slam doors. She would stomp around. For some reason, to her, piano was very important. However, one day she was so mad she slammed her hand against the wall. She sprained and bruised her thumb. That was the day, she told me later, when she realized it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it to our relationship or my wellbeing. She rarely yelled at me after that and she let me quit having to do the recitals (my stage fright was nearly immobilizing). She switched me to a more laid-back teacher. And I kept taking piano lessons for 5 more years. And then she let me quit. And to this day, even if I can’t play very well anymore, I don’t regret quitting (or taking lessons, for that matter). And later when I started band playing the flute, she never pushed me to practice – I practiced for me. And the flute was my choice. I stayed in band for six years and enjoyed nearly every minute.

I’m glad that Chua had her younger daughter Lulu to throw her for a bit of a loop. If both her children accepted their fate like her older daughter Sophia did, Chua would be singing the praises of Chinese parenting as loud as she could. I appreciated her struggles with her younger daughter. I still think she went too far, refusing meals and sleep until practice was done, but at least she learned different children respond to different parenting methods.

In the end, it was a good book. She’s humorous, sarcastic (I think) and a good storyteller. I got great insight into another way to parent. And while I don’t agree with very many of her methods, I do think both sides can learn a bit from each other.